Billy
by cheeza
Summary: Finished! Yet another Carby from me!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1 

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me!! Just thought I'd clear that up (so don't bother writing me any letters asking to borrow Carter!!) 

A/N: This is the first chapter of my new fic! (Thought you'd got rid of me after meant to be - eh? Well no such luck!!) I was gonna take a break, but my addiction got the bettr of me and I found myself in front of the computer again! I will also be working on Surprises so hopefully I'll have the next chapter of that up soon. Finally, I promise this will be a lot less angsty than Meant to Be! 

PS Anyone who knows me, knows this will be a Carby!! 

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It amazes me that I could ever hate this woman. I must have been stupid. No, stupid isn't the right word. I think jealous is more fitting. I mean, yeah, we didn't get off to the best of starts. Addressing me as 'hey nurse' didn't help, but that wasn't the real reason I didn't like her. As always, it was a guy. My guy. Well not mine but...I wanted him to be. He wanted her and so our silent war began. 

We're fine now. The seminar helped. It made me see her as a possible friend instead of the threat I thought she was. But that's what jealously does to you. Plus, I think it helps that she broke up with Carter. There's no awkwardness now. We have a laugh, we talk, we have coffee. It's a nice change. I mean the only other person I've been able to really talk to over the past couple of years has been Carter, and things are so complicated with us now. It's nice to have her. We talk about our families, our relationships - which, granted, at the moment are non existent. We can talk about shoes and clothes and all the other really important stuff girls talk about. And she understands. She knows how I feel about Carter but she doesn't push me on it. 

She's sitting across from me in Doc Magoos eating breakfast and taking some quiz in a magazine. I've never really done this sort of stuff before but it's fun. It's nice to have some meaningless conversation without having to worry if it'll break out friendship. 

"Okay, describe you ideal guy," she grins at me. I raise an eyebrow sceptically, "Oh come on Abby it's just a question." I don't have to think too long, 

"Billy," I answer, expecting her to know what I'm talking about. She looks at me, her eyebrows furrowed, looking hopelessly confused. I suddenly become embarrassed. Do I really want to tell her this? 

"Who's Billy?" I laugh slightly and look round the restaurant uncomfortably. 

"It...um...it doesn't matter." How do I get myself into these situations? 

"Oh come on, tell me!" I shakes me head slightly, 

"It's so embarrassing..." 

"Come on! I won't tell a soul." I don't know what it is about her, but I find myself leaning forward about to confess all. She sees this and leans forward too. 

"Um...we...um...okay. You ever watch Ally McBeal?" 

"I love that show!" She says, slightly too loud for my liking. I wave my hands telling her to keep the volume down. 

"Yeah well, anyway...that's the Billy I'm talking about!" She looks at me like I'm crazy. 

"*He's* your ideal guy?" She says, her tone conveying disbelieve. Yeah, she thinks I'm crazy...and maybe I am. 

"Yes. Well no...not literally him..." 

"I was gonna say!" She interjects 

"Just the idea of him." Now she looks totally confused. I continue, not believing I'm actually saying this out loud. "You know...Billy *knows* Ally - inside and out. He knows what she's feeling, when she needs him. They can have these whole conversations without even talking. He gets her. He loves her. I mean, he even married that blond thing but it didn't stop him loving Ally. They're soul mates. And that's what I want." 

I sit back embarrassed. I've never said that to anyone. I feel shy and look at the table. What if she laughs? She brings her coffee to her mouth and says wistfully, 

"Yeah...I hear ya!" She looks at me and we burst out laughing. She understands. So maybe I'm not crazy to want it. 

"Anyway, it doesn't matter. I know it doesn't happen in real life." We sigh, knowing that it's probably true. Both of us wishing life could be like it was on TV. We sit silently for a few moments, alone with our own personal dreams. Susan's pager goes off like an alarm, waking us instantly. Looknig at it she sighs. 

"Great! GSW." 

"Have fun," I say, unable to hide the smugness from my voice. My shift is overand she still has hours left. She smiles slightly, standing as she pulls her coat on, 

"You know...I never had you pegged as a closet romantic!" I laugh as she walks towards the exit. I yell after her, 

"Tell anyone and I'll kill you!" Her head turns and I see her laughing too. Yeah, it's nice to have a friend. 

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A/N: No Carby interaction in this chapter, but it will be coming soon. (Yeah, unfortunately there will be more.) Thanks for reading! Also, it'd be great if you review. 

Disclaimer 2: I don't own Billy Thomas either!! 

~Theresa 


	2. chapter 2

Chapter Two 

E-mail: cheeza@supanet.com 

A/N: Yeah I think Ally McBeal got really bad after the first season although I did enjoy watching the delicious Robert Downey Jr in Season Four!! 

I watch her hurry across the street a I drink my coffee. I rub my eyes tiredly. I hate working nights. Still, I feel slightly better knowing I can go home to my bed and sleep. I tip my head back and close my eyes. 

"Tell anyone what?" I open my eyes grudgingly and find John Carter standing in front of me, coffee in hand, smiling. 

"Hey Carter." I signal for him to sit down, which he does. 

"What isn't she supposed to tell anyone?" I feel myself blushing. Susan knowing how completely pathetic I am if one thing, but Carter? I shake my head slightly, smiling, 

"Um...nothing. Just girl talk." He nods at me, drinking his coffee. I look across at him. He looks good this morning. I laugh inwardly - is there any time he doesn't look good? His dark hair is sticking up and his deep brown eyes are fixed on me. He has this amazing effect on me. Whenever I'm with him, I feel at ease. He makes me smile. No matter how weird things get between us, he can always make me smile. I try to concentrate on what he's saying, 

"You and Susan have grown pretty close huh?" 

"Yeah, I suppose. She's pretty cool. And there's nothing to stop us being friends now that..." I stop, realising what I was going to say. I hope he doesn't notice. 

"Now that what?" He grins, raising his eyebrows slightly. He knows what I was going to say. I can tell. He wants me to say it. He's daring me to say it. But I won't. Like I said, things are complicated and I don't want to go there right now. I'm too tired. So I dismiss his question, 

"Oh, nothing, never mind. So...um....you off?" I ask, desperate to change the subject. He lets me off the hook thank god. 

"No. I'm just on break." I nod. We sit and drink our coffee in a comfortable silence. This is nice. 

"So, how are you? We haven't spoken in a while." He says. I'm not sure, but I think I hear a hint of sadness in his voice. I feel the same. We used to be great friends. I mean, we still are, but things changed. He started dating Susan for one. I was jealous. I know it and he knows it. I have to start making more of an effort. He's tried, but I pushed him away. I was hurt. I don't want to lose him. 

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm good. Tired, but good. You?" 

"Yeah me too." 

"How are things with your Mother?" He sighs. That good huh? 

"Oh, yeah. They're okay." I nod, understanding his relationship with her. Something we've got in common - bad relationships with our mothers. 

"How was your shift?" He asks. I roll my eyes. Where do I start? 

"Not good. I got...puked on - twice. Some old homeless guy hit on me...and some little kid bit me!" 

"Ouch!" He says sympathetically. 

"Yeah. Not exactly my best shift!" He laughs and I join in. Yeah, this is good. He suddenly looks down and nervously starts playing with a napkin. 

"Well, since you had such a crappy shift...um...how about we...um...have dinner tonight?" You know, catch up?" He asks nervously. He looks cute when he's nervous, like a little kid. I smile over at him, 

"Yeah, that's be nice." He exhales, looking relieved. Dinner with Carter. Has potential. 

"Great! Well...uh...I'm working until two. I've got some stuff to do for Gamma then I gotta get some sleep. How about I pick you up at eight?" I nod, 

"Sure. So...where we going?" I ask, trying to hide my excitement. See! This is what this guy does to me. 

"I'll call you and let you know." I grin again, 

"Okay." 

"Well, I gotta go or Weaver'll kill me!" He says as he stands. 

"Okay. I'll see you tonight." He flashes me one of his winning smiles. The kind that light up his eyes and I get tingles knowing that it's because of me. 

"Bye." And off he goes, back to the hell that is the ER. I sit back happily, looking forward to tonight. I stand up suddenly and leave some money on the table for the coffee. I better go find something to wear. 

A/N: Okay. Sorry about this chapter! While I was writing this I discovered that I can't actually write cute, carby stuff! I was just gonna leave it and continue with Surprises but instead, I uploaded the rest of the fic. I, myself don't even like this so I understand the rest of you cringing! But, if you're gonna read on: 

BEWARE!! It's terrible! 


	3. chapter 3

I've been walking around the hospital for the past couple of hours, a huge smile on my face, like I'm on cloud nine. Which I guess I am. A date with Abby. Well...not a date, but still. God do I have it bad! I turn a corner and bang straight into Susan. Ouch! 

"Oh god Susan, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention." I apologise. 

"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to my lawyer!" She chuckles, "I'm fine Carter." She walks with me to the lounge to grab some coffee, 

"So, how's it going?" She asks. I can't help but smile, 

"Yeah, yeah it's good." 

"You see the guy in curtain one?" The guy in curtain one? It finally clicks, 

"The dislocated shoulder? Not yet." I sit in one of the chairs in the lounge. I feel so restless. I can't wait until tonight. Pathetic? Probably, but I haven't seen much of Abby for the past few weeks. Things have been weird, especially when I started dating Susan. I look at her now and wonder what the hell I was thinking. She's great, yeah, but I didn't like her that way. She's more like a big sister really. I just started dating her to help me stop thinking about Abby. Although, it didn't really help. 

"What time do you finish?" She asks. 

"Two. You?" Oh that rhymes! Boy am I sad! 

"I'm on 'til six. Wanna grab something to eat later?" The grin reappears on my face. 

"Um...actually I already have plans." I can't contain how happy I am right now. Who exactly gets this excited over dinner? 

"Oh okay." She shrugs. Seeing my smile, she matches it, "So what you up to?" 

"I'm having dinner with Abby," I say an nonchalantly as possible. Her smile widens, 

"Oh." I see the look in her eye and know what she'd thinking, 

"We're just gonna catch up. It's not like that." Even I don't believe it. This means so much more to me that catching up. 

"Why not?" 

"'Cause it's Abby. She's my best friend..." 

"Yeah, who you happen to be in love with." I try to glare at her but fail miserabley. She just smiles even more, "Come on. This is the perfect opportunity for you to tell her." Yeah thanks! The thought had crossed my mind. But we're just starting to be okay again. I don't want to risk it. 

"I just...don't want to lose her." I explain. 

"Trust me Carter. Tell her how you feel. Her response might surprise you." My head snaps up at this, 

"Has she said something to you?" I ask hopefully. Maybe, there is a chance. 

"She doesn't have to. It's obvious. You'd have to be blind or, in your case, stupid not to notice." She laughs. 

"Gee thanks," I mutter sacastically. She sure knows how to make a guy feel better. She stands and heads to the door, throwing her cup into the bin, 

"Tell her." She orders. Maybe she's right. I smile. Yeah, maybe she's right. 

A/N: And so it continues... 

~Theresa 


	4. chapter 4

Chapter Four (yes it's still going!) 

E-mail: cheeza@supanet.com 

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God I'm a mess! I run to the mirror in the bathroom. I'm not liking what I see - I'm standing in my underwear, hair going everywhere, bags under my eyes because I haven't slept all day and...he'll be here in fifteen minutes. Why do I care so much? It's not like this is some guy I barely know...it's Carter. And there's the reason. I know it's not a date, doesn't mean I shouldn't make the effort - right? 

I quickly pull the rollers out of my hair and attempt to make it look...well...like I hadn't just slept on it. Not an easy task, I can tell you! I run back into my bedroom and grab the clothes on the bed. I slip them on, with ease. It took me ages to decide what to wear. He called to say we were going to some Italian restaurant beside the river. I finally decided on simple black dress I bought a couple of months ago. It's nothing special, but it's the only dress I have. 

I quickly ran back into the bathroom and apply my make-up. I hear a knock at the door as I finish. I check my appearance and decide it's not gonna get any better. I quickly run to the door but stop, realising I'm not wearing any shoes. There's another knock at the door, 

"Hold on. I'm jsut coming!" I yell from the bedroom. Where the hell are my shoes? I can't believe how stupid I'm being - getting this worked up over dinner with a friend. Ooh, there they are. I shove them on and run back to the door. I take a few deep breathes before I open it. Calm down Abby. Calm down. I reach for the handle and pull it back. And there he is. 

"Wow! You look...beautiful." He says. Yeah, right! Well I suppose her gets points for trying. 

"Thanks. You look good too." I on the other hand, don't have to lie. He does look good. Great! Amazing! I realise I'm staring at him and start to blush. 

"So...um...shall we?" He asks, smiling. Relax! I take his outstretched arm and we make our way downstairs. 

* * * * * * * * * * * 

"You never cease to amaze me Carter," she laughs. That's a compliment right? 

"I try!" I finish eating and sit back and smile. This has been great. We talked, we laughed...it was like the past few months hadn't happened. My nervousness from earlier on was long gone. This is Abby. I have nothing to be nervous about. She looks...amazing. I don't think she's ever looked more beautiful. Without realising, I begin to speak again, 

"This is fun. I missed this." 

"What?" She asks curiously. I smile over at her, 

"This, me and you. Talking. I missed it." 

"Yeah me too." She puts her fork down on her plate and I glance over at her. So she missed us too. I think back to what Susan said earlier today and again find myself thinking she might be right. Abby seems pretty relaxed. And I can't keep doing this. I don't just miss our chats. I miss *her* and suddenly I feel the need to explain my actions over the past few months. I owe her that. 

"I...uh...wanted to talk to you about Susan and I..." I stuttered. She looks at me sharply, 

"Carter don't! We're having fun. Can't we talk about this some other time." I reach my hand up to rub the back of my neck. That's what our relationship consists of...laters. If I don't tell her now...I never will, 

"No. I've been trying to tell you this for ages but you keep avoiding the subject." She leans back, arms folded as if to shield her from what I'm about to say. 

"Fine. Talk" she says sharply. 

"I...well, you know Susan and I broke up..." Come to think of it, I have no idea what to say. 

"What? You still like her? 'Cause if so, I really don't want to hear this." I look at her strangely. I thought she knew I wasn't really into Susan. Obviously not. 

"No. No that's no it. It's about why we broke up. Well...partly it was because there was no chemistry. But mostly...it was because...of...of you. Her eyes snap up to mine, trying to read them, 

"Of me?" I'm surprised by her reaction. She really didn't know all this. 

"Yeah," I continued, "She knew...um...she knew how I felt, feel about you." 

"Carter..." The tone in her voice was telling me to shut up. This could ruin our friendship. And I don't want that...but I can't keep lying to myself, 

"Abby, we've danced around this in the past. I was interested, then you were interested. But we never talk about this...thing between us. I'm sick of dancing Abby. I'm sick of pretending I don't feel this way...I love you." Her head drops and she sighs, bringing her hand up to her face. After a few seconds she looks at me, but barely, and whisper, 

"Can we go please? I really...I just want to go." Great! I'm going to kill Susan! She said Abby's reaction would surprise me. But this was pretty much as I had expected. I've blown it! 

* * * * * * * * 

We're sitting by the river. Just sitting there in silence. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. So I don't say anything. He loves me. He loves me. All this time 'dancing' as he put it I never knew that he loved me. I knew he was jealous over Luka, but love...? Part of me hates him. I hate him for doing this - making me face up to our relationship. But the other part, my heart, wants to hold him and tell him that I love him too. So what do I trust? The head or the heart? Everyone says follow your heart, but what if it leads me to pain? I don't think I could take any more of that. Why did he say anything? I finally find my voice and ask, 

"Why now?" It comes out as a whisper but I know he heard me. He turns round to look at me, 

"Like I said...I can't keep doing this. I need you, and I don't want to pretend anymore." 

"We can't be friends anymore." Not now. The line has been crossed. He might not like dancing but at least that way, we could maintain our friendship. 

"I don't want to be your friend," he whispers. I try to hold back tears, 

"I just...I don't know..." He whisper again. Can we do this? Be more than friends. My hearts screaming 'yes' but my head's telling me to be smart 

"Yes you do. You're just scared...I am too. I don't want to lose you Abby, but you can't deny what's going on with us. Why can't we be together? We talk to each other, we know each other. I've never been as close to anyone in my life as I am to you. I love you." 

He loves me. He's right. I know he's right. I think back to my conversation with Susan. This is what I want. I feel my resolve break as he whispers again, 

"I love you." I turn to him and raise my hand to the side of his face. And I take the leap. I ignore my head, my heart leading me down a new path as I reach up and kiss him lightly. And I know. From that one action, I know that he's it. He's my guy...my Billy. 

A/N: Well that's it! Sorry, I couldn't resist. I have to thrown some angst in at the end!! 

~ Theresa 


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